pandora.app.link/eDjWI7wq6TbThe Take Down of Women and the takedown of reasons.
Throughout history women have attempted to take power.
It’s unfortunately seen as monstrous and unnatural.
Even though the Bible clearly states “the meek shall inherit the earth.”
The “meek” means smaller and lighter. Meaning women.
Women are much smarter, less prone to war,therefore much more destined for sustained peace.
This current regime means to undermine women. In every way. This is dangerous.
I hope we can overcome this current regime and thrive.
The New Plague
There’s a negativity in the air here in New York.
It’s the same negativity the last time Trump was in office.
It takes shape in the everyday interactions. On the subway, at work, everywhere.
I keep track of incidents for my large company. There’s a record amount. Employees displaying negative outbursts, theft, employees threatening each other on their own time then threatening each other when working…. Ect.
I believe all citizens of the United States are infected with a cancer.
That cancer is Donald Trump.
Whether they know it or not.
It’s there.
The last time all of this happened was his last 4 years in the Oval Office.
I can’t understand how so many people in my country are so blind.
I can’t understand how so few people realize that Donald Trump is mirroring Adolf Hitler.
If you’re a Christian you might think Donald Trump is the anti christ.
I’m terrified.
More terrified now than ever before.
I can see a terrible crash coming in slow motion and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.
Thoughts as an American visiting England
England has the NHS. National Health Services. It’s not tied to your job, only your citizenship.
Having just gotten back from there, I have some thoughts.
They have a community that we don’t have here in The United States.
We’re currently every man for himself.
Arguably it’s always been that way.
I took an Uber in the UK, and had a conversation with that driver who was a citizen of the UK, but came from North Africa.
He couldn’t believe that healthcare wasn’t equal.
Couldn’t believe that healthcare wasn’t a right.
He asked, “what if someone is homeless?”
My answer was, “they’ll probably die”.
We all know that’s true.
Especially now when our current government wants to cut all public funding.
What a great way to bring us back to the Middle Ages, where there was a rich body of people and a poor body of people.
Maybe that’s what “Make America great again” means?
I feel like the idiots who voted for Trump, have no idea what that means or have any historical context, or just won’t admit any wrong doing.
They just thought their one issue would be “solved”
Hispanic people eradicated.
Gaza controlled by Israel (Jokes on you, Trump hates the Jewish people and he wants Gaza to himself to make money off of)
The price of eggs lower (not even possible by a President).
Watching the news over there, the only thing they talked about was Trump wanting to buy Greenland.
Having been there recently, I can say that being American is an extreme embarrassment.
What does it all mean
When my dad was moved to hospice I was terrified.
On that day, I had the nerve to suggest to my mom that we see him to hospice then go home and come back the next day.
She had the foresight to see that it was the end and we needed to stay where we were.
She didn’t say that but that’s what happened.
In the end, his money didn’t mean a thing.
In the end, the only thing that mattered was who was in the room to take his hand.
I was there to take his hand. His wife of 50 years was there to take his hand.
It shows me what’s actually important.
Who will hold your hand?
Who will hold my hand?
What does death entail?
Is it your brain firing on all cylinders?
Showing you all that you’ve been through and reconciling that?
Is it your soul remembering?
We won’t know until the end.
I do know in the end, it will be specific.
It will come down to the people that love you. The people that you love.
Live every day like it’s your last.
Live every day in appreciation.
I hope someone will hold my hand.
I hope someone will hold your hand….
U.S. Immigration Raids in Schools: “Rules” the internet says ICE officers are supposed to follow.
https://mobilizationforjustice.org/wp-content/uploads/What-to-do-if-ICE-Comes-to-Your-School.pdf
This is useful I guess. It says ICE “probably won’t” raid a school but that’s already not at all true.
However, it’s quite possible the school I’m thinking of in the Bronx, NY, didn’t know the procedure officers need to follow. They have to have a warrant for instance but what does one look like? Would a teacher or principal know what one looks like?
They are not allowed to take a student off school grounds without “permission of a parent or guardian”, or a “crime was committed on school grounds”.
Because I’m apparently an HR/legal go to for work now, even though completely untrained, here’s my reasons for perens:
I bet permission to take a child can be argued if a terrified immigrant parent who may not have mastered the language says anything that even sounds like permission.
A parent might mean, I want my child with me, but can actually be heard as, take my child from school and bring them here, the small cold and dank room I’m imagining these ppl are taken too.
As far as a crime? Well, according to our dictator, that’s right, dictator, a crime has been committed simply by existing on United States soil.
This is horrible to know…not think…know, that small children are being rounded up by scary strangers who consider them “criminals” and taken to strange places away from their mommy’s and daddy’s.
It’s possible they’ll never see them again.
What happens to these children? I picture them huddled in corners, afraid for their lives.
These are things that will create extremely damaged adults who may even believe what’s thought of them and become criminals.
Why the loss of a pet is a valid loss
There are people who “have pets”.
Then there are people who consider pets as a part of their immediate family.
I’m the latter.
In fact, almost everyone in my immediate biological family is the same in this regard
I grew up with cats.
I don’t remember a time without cats.
True lovers of cats or any animal would know that you don’t “own” them, they’re your counterparts, your daily companions, they’re the ones there that accept you no matter what.
They’re there through thick and thin.
Sickness and health.
No questions asked.
The decision to end their life often falls on you, the person who loves them.
I made this decision recently with my tuxedo Sammy. My beautiful best friend and family member who was in pain and hated the vet.
It was the right decision, I tell myself.
She could’ve stayed in pain and found deeper places to hide in our apartment.
Or, I could’ve admitted her to an animal hospital and hooked her up to an IV for weeks.
Anyone who knows cats knows, they’re terrified of new places and smells.
I could’ve signed Sammy up for IV treatment and it would’ve been horrible for her.
I made the decision to put her down.
A decision that I’ll go over and over in my head for the foreseeable future.
“She perked up for a second that last day!” Is something I might think when the devil on my shoulder suggests that I made a decision to execute my loved one in cold blood.
The reality is, I thought about her quality of life.
I tell myself that.
Still have doubts if I think too hard.
What a weight it is to decide to end a life!
However, I know my cat. I knew she knew it was the end. It could be painless or traumatizing and painful like most humans deaths.
I tell myself that at least. 😕
I feel passable today
Ever since turning 49 it’s been touch and go.
I feel okay one minute and not okay the next.
That’s my inner feelings. They don’t make their way to the surface. I appear stoic. And I am in so many ways.
Society doesn’t understand this about women.
We can be one thing entirely and another entirely at the same time.
Right now I’m okay. I’m okay with the way I look.
It’s interesting that the last time I felt like this was in my adolescence.
Any imperfection is amplified.
That’s peri menopause for you.
I currently have my period. So I feel okay.
Wasn’t expecting it.
When it goes away entirely it will be 12 months of actual menopause.
Interesting how it’s full circle.
When I was 12, I was insecure.
Now, totally secure. But my experience is still somewhat tied to the way I look.
I say somewhat because there’s a big part of me that no longer cares about the way I look.
That’s huge.
I just don’t give even one fuck.
It’s liberating.
A Tribute To My Dad
Benedict Rodriguez.
Born on Saint Benedict day hence his name.
For my mom and his friends he was Benny. Benny from the Bronx.
Benny was a safe space for so many.
His siblings, cousins and my brother and me.
I remember a trip to Florida as a kid. There was an electrical storm.
I think in a previous life, I died in a tornado which is why extreme weather scares me so much.
We were outside when this storm blew in. I buried my head in my dad’s stomach.
He held me tight.
I knew I was safe.
It’s ironic because what was the beginning of the end for him was a lyposarcoma in his stomach.
What was once so safe.
I remember when he got the lyposarcoma removed from his stomach, he commented that he felt less strong.
He thought his strength was in his stomach.
I think his strength was in his character. He was a man who would hold his daughter close in a storm and never let her go.
I miss him so much and I will live in his honor.
Dates that changed me on a cellular level
December 8 2023 is one.
The day my dad took his last breath.
I never imagined I’d hear it but I did.
It was labored. In hospice. It was the “death rattle”.
It was late. He’d been in hospice for a night.
I know now that he’d been in transit before he’d gotten there.
In transit between the energy that is this life and the energy that is the “afterlife”.
Whatever that means.
The other is Memorial Day. 30 years ago.
When my twin, Bobby, took his last breath.
It was devastating to my family.
I had been dreaming of it for years before.
As kids, I kept a dream journal and I liked to regale my family of my dreams as they happened.
My brother always chastised me for it.
He said when I started a sentence with “in my dream”…..
People lost interest. He lost interest.
How apt though.
My dreams were mostly about him leaving this existence.
There are more that I can’t place the date.
My aunt Sally. My mom’s older sister. When she died, before we were told, I had a dream that she came to me. She said goodbye and that she had to make more stops before she left.
I remember waking up that day and wanting to hug my mom. Her little sister.
Like my grandfather, Placido.
Or my grandmother Carmen.
Others too.
Isn’t life amazing!