I’m in my crone era “don’t give a shit?”

I guess that means I’m a woman 50 or over.

I’m experienced, been through some shit.

Made it through but still experiencing shit.

Work interpersonal shit.

Having to react to other people’s interpersonal shit.

Other people’s interpersonal shit being a thing.

My own interpersonal shit there too.

Juggling all that interpersonal shit whilst trying to maintain my own mental health.

All while trying to keep my cool. Literally.

It’s a whole ass thing.

I remember my earlier years, I was insecure, my world could be shattered by some asshole disregarding me, even if it was perceived and not experienced.

I truly don’t give a shit anymore.

It’s so freeing.

I think I’ll enjoy things now.

Full Menopause

When we’re young girl’s going through puberty we learn to stay silent.

I got my first period on a camp sleepover.

I was 10 years old.

I woke up and thought I was dying.

I saw blood.

Later, my mom told me what that was.

I was “a woman”. It sounded like a threat.

All I can say is, no one but my mom cared about my first experience, and no one but my mom cares about my second experience. Really cares that is.

Cut to 40 years later, I’m going through menopause. The taking back of what I went through so many years before.

I mention that my bones are literal radiators, that I can’t sleep, that I have this floating RAGE and extreme anxiety and it’s like…. I’m sorry…. And that’s it.

Like, I mentioned it once, It’s been acknowledged now move on.

Let me tell you, it’s FUCKING CONSTANT AND LASTS 12 MONTHS.

It’s a real thing that women go through and is not at all respected.

By women I mean owners of a uterus.

I’m in my warrior era and I’m cut down by my own hormones.

It doesn’t stop me from being a leader in my industry, It doesn’t stop me from thinking clearly, it just means I need to go through what I’m going through. And it actually sucks.

Return to your regular programming!!

Half a Person: When a Twin Dies

Me and Bobby

When my twin brother and I were turning 10, we were convinced that we would die soon.

We thought you couldn’t live past age 10.

I remember our 5th birthday. We looked at each other, knowing, with a feeling we shouldn’t have felt at that age.

We silently commiserated that we were old. We were living on borrowed time.

I remember the night before. Even though there was a serious boundary between my space and his, we slept together. Held on to each other for dear life.

I don’t know why we didn’t tell anyone but we didn’t.

We slept in the same bed that night, holding each other.

We thought something major would happen.

It didn’t.

I value these memories I have with my twin. Painful as they are.

We came into this world together, but I’m left behind.

No one but a twin could understand what that means.

No one loved me more than he did.

I’ve never loved anyone more than him.

I hate that I lost him.

I can’t stop thinking what we would’ve been had he lived.

I think he would’ve been such a support with our dad when he died.

He could’ve been a support for our beloved mom.

He could’ve been a support for me supporting our mom.

If you have a sibling, hold them close.

No one knows what you’re going through more then them.

Harry the cat. Party of one.

Hello there! I’m Harry. I live with 2 humans. I used to have Samantha, another cat but she hasn’t been around for a long time. I don’t often listen to human language but sometimes bits and pieces get in. I’m pretty sure she died.

It’s okay because my preferred human, is giving me all the attention I want!

I have my litter box to myself!

All the toys are mine!

It’s been great except sometimes when I’m scared and my preferred human isn’t there, Samantha would’ve protected me.

Anyway, I’ve recently tried my paws at being on a human lap.

As you can see, it’s awkward. Like, how long can I stay like this? Can I curl up like I want to go to sleep? I was there for maybe years and then….

My preferred human for whatever reason moved. It was like the whole world came crashing down and I was completely without shelter.

Won’t be doing that again for at least 10 minutes.

The Take Down of Women and the takedown of reasons.

Throughout history women have attempted to take power.

It’s unfortunately seen as monstrous and unnatural.

Even though the Bible clearly states “the meek shall inherit the earth.”

The “meek” means smaller and lighter. Meaning women.

Women are much smarter, less prone to war,therefore much more destined for sustained peace.

This current regime means to undermine women. In every way. This is dangerous.

I hope we can overcome this current regime and thrive.

The New Plague

There’s a negativity in the air here in New York.

It’s the same negativity the last time Trump was in office.

It takes shape in the everyday interactions. On the subway, at work, everywhere.

I keep track of incidents for my large company. There’s a record amount. Employees displaying negative outbursts, theft, employees threatening each other on their own time then threatening each other when working…. Ect.

I believe all citizens of the United States are infected with a cancer.

That cancer is Donald Trump.

Whether they know it or not.

It’s there.

The last time all of this happened was his last 4 years in the Oval Office.

I can’t understand how so many people in my country are so blind.

I can’t understand how so few people realize that Donald Trump is mirroring Adolf Hitler.

If you’re a Christian you might think Donald Trump is the anti christ.

I’m terrified.

More terrified now than ever before.

I can see a terrible crash coming in slow motion and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.

An emotional wasteland

Thoughts as an American visiting England

England has the NHS. National Health Services. It’s not tied to your job, only your citizenship.

Having just gotten back from there, I have some thoughts.

They have a community that we don’t have here in The United States.

We’re currently every man for himself.

Arguably it’s always been that way.

I took an Uber in the UK, and had a conversation with that driver who was a citizen of the UK, but came from North Africa.

He couldn’t believe that healthcare wasn’t equal.

Couldn’t believe that healthcare wasn’t a right.

He asked, “what if someone is homeless?”

My answer was, “they’ll probably die”.

We all know that’s true.

Especially now when our current government wants to cut all public funding.

What a great way to bring us back to the Middle Ages, where there was a rich body of people and a poor body of people.

Maybe that’s what “Make America great again” means?

I feel like the idiots who voted for Trump, have no idea what that means or have any historical context, or just won’t admit any wrong doing.

They just thought their one issue would be “solved”

Hispanic people eradicated.

Gaza controlled by Israel (Jokes on you, Trump hates the Jewish people and he wants Gaza to himself to make money off of)

The price of eggs lower (not even possible by a President).

Watching the news over there, the only thing they talked about was Trump wanting to buy Greenland.

Having been there recently, I can say that being American is an extreme embarrassment.

What does it all mean

When my dad was moved to hospice I was terrified.

On that day, I had the nerve to suggest to my mom that we see him to hospice then go home and come back the next day.

She had the foresight to see that it was the end and we needed to stay where we were.

She didn’t say that but that’s what happened.

In the end, his money didn’t mean a thing.

In the end, the only thing that mattered was who was in the room to take his hand.

I was there to take his hand. His wife of 50 years was there to take his hand.

It shows me what’s actually important.

Who will hold your hand?

Who will hold my hand?

What does death entail?

Is it your brain firing on all cylinders?

Showing you all that you’ve been through and reconciling that?

Is it your soul remembering?

We won’t know until the end.

I do know in the end, it will be specific.

It will come down to the people that love you. The people that you love.

Live every day like it’s your last.

Live every day in appreciation.

I hope someone will hold my hand.

I hope someone will hold your hand….

U.S. Immigration Raids in Schools: “Rules” the internet says ICE officers are supposed to follow.

https://mobilizationforjustice.org/wp-content/uploads/What-to-do-if-ICE-Comes-to-Your-School.pdf

This is useful I guess. It says ICE “probably won’t” raid a school but that’s already not at all true.

However, it’s quite possible the school I’m thinking of in the Bronx, NY, didn’t know the procedure officers need to follow. They have to have a warrant for instance but what does one look like? Would a teacher or principal know what one looks like?

They are not allowed to take a student off school grounds without “permission of a parent or guardian”, or a “crime was committed on school grounds”.

Because I’m apparently an HR/legal go to for work now, even though completely untrained, here’s my reasons for perens:

I bet permission to take a child can be argued if a terrified immigrant parent who may not have mastered the language says anything that even sounds like permission.

A parent might mean, I want my child with me, but can actually be heard as, take my child from school and bring them here, the small cold and dank room I’m imagining these ppl are taken too.

As far as a crime? Well, according to our dictator, that’s right, dictator, a crime has been committed simply by existing on United States soil.

This is horrible to know…not think…know, that small children are being rounded up by scary strangers who consider them “criminals” and taken to strange places away from their mommy’s and daddy’s.

It’s possible they’ll never see them again.

What happens to these children? I picture them huddled in corners, afraid for their lives.

These are things that will create extremely damaged adults who may even believe what’s thought of them and become criminals.