Ice Age Buffet: Full Face Mud Part 2

The tunnel in between the main banquet cave and back roasting cave as it looks today.

“Did you leave your face mud out again?” Joog was a little judgmental but I couldn’t fault him. He was the event organizer and always thought nothing would ever happen on time even though it always had.

“I’m going to do something special this time and I didn’t want it to get smudged on the way over.” Great. Now I had to do something special! An extra arrow maybe.

I saw the staff coming so I turned my back and slapped on my face mud as carefully as possible. It was still cold but spreadable. I could feel Joog staring at me. “Do you need some…”

“I got it!”.

Keen, Bleech and Roon arrived just in time for me to tuck my face mud under my fur tie. I turned around to greet them and I could tell they were trying not to laugh.

“Is that supposed to be an arrow?” Joog chuckled.

“Arrows are pointy-er aren’t they?” Keen was a real smart ass but a great broth leader.

“It’s an arrow! It’s just… it’s been rammed into the side of a mammoth!”

Keen leaned in close to me. “The side?”

They were all laughing uncontrollably.

“Alright, Get to work!”

I followed them into the main banquet cave, they were still laughing but at least did what they were supposed to. Light fires around each of their work spaces.

Joog and I went all the way back to the roasting cave. I lit my fire near my attendance etchings. I must’ve been distracted by the hunter incident because I didn’t notice we were a man down. Joog did the scheduling so I asked him.

“Where’s Yaan?”

“He’s dead.”

“Damn. Can we get someone else? Flor?”


I was really nervous now. Who could I trust to give us the signal to start carving? I couldn’t spare Bleech or Roon, they had to be ready to carry the meat out then serve it, Joog would be busy with roasting and I….

Joon was trying not to stare at me. “Can I please fix your….arrow?”

“Fine, quickly!”

Just as Joog was finishing up my face mud, Keen stormed in. “Where are all my bones!?”

I turned and Joog managed to smudge what ever he was drawing on my forehead.

“We put them in your bucket! They’re not there!?”

Keen gave a quick judgmental glance at my forehead. “No! They’re not!”

I could feel Joog about to get loud with him. I tried my best to keep communication at a minimum between those two.

“We built an entire table slab in the dark last night! Maybe if you had stayed to…oh I don’t know…HELP THE TEAM… You would’ve been there to check on your bones before leaving!” Joog could go from fine to raging in less than a second.

“How was I supposed to know you Neanderthals would put a FROZEN ROCK under a mammoth sized slab!?” Keen was no better.

I put myself between them with my hands up. “Hey hey hey… no need for name calling or blaming. Keen, we’ll find your bones.”

Keen just stared at me, seething. “Your arrow is ejaculating!”

I turned to Joog. He just shrugged. Keen stormed back into the main cave.

Now, as if there wasn’t enough to do before the feast, I had find Keen’s bones, get the tools ready for the incoming mammoth, crush the berries for our entry drink, find someone to signal us at the the parade and at some point fix my ridiculous face mud! We were off to a terrible start!

“Owwwww!!!!” Roon screeched like a dying boar in the main cave.

“I can’t deal with any of them right now. I’ll find a signaler.” Joog picked up his tablet and stormed out.

When I got to Roon, he was writhing on the ground holding his ankle. I hope I managed to not roll my eyes. Every time. It’s like he was clumsy on purpose. Bleech was standing over him, he looked like he was about to cry. “We were just moving some kindling and he slipped!”

I looked at the ground. A bone! We must’ve left them out. I quickly looked around for Keen. Thankfully he was nowhere to be seen.

“Look!” Bleech was now holding the bone up. “Shhhhhhh!” I motioned for him to throw it into the bucket. He just looked at me, no comprehension at all, holding the bone up like a damned torch! Bleech had almost frozen to death the night before the last feast and he hadn’t been right since. I could hear Keen stomping back into the cave. I snatched the bone out of Bleechs’ hand and threw it into the bucket. It rolled around making the most noise it possibly could.

“What the…” Keen hurried over to the bucket.

I slapped a big smile on my face. “See? We’ll find them!”

It wasn’t good enough. “One bone!? I need a bone per Homo! That’s this many!” Keen flashed all fingers on both hands twice.

“No problem! Bleech, find all the bones you can, they’re definitely here, and lay them out next to the bucket in a row.” I had to be very specific with Bleech.

“It’s burning!” Roon howled still clutching his ankle. Keen rolled his eyes and started to arrange the kindling under the bucket.

I knelt down to Roon. “It’s going to be fine. I’ll have Joog drag an old woman to you.”

“What if it’s too late!?” Roon was really committing to this.

“They don’t move very fast. He’ll catch one right away. Just try to relax.”

I went outside to find Joog. He’d be very annoyed by this.

Part 3: Old Women and Hunter Drama – coming soon!

Published by Cindy

For money, I’m what you call a banquet captain. That means I’m in charge of timing and staff at special events, weddings, benefits, movie premiere parties...ect. I’m also a filmmaker and freelance writer. I’m owned by two cats, Samantha and Harrison Chase who reluctantly allow me to travel, something I’m made to do.

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