I was 18

I went to a club. I made myself up, full makeup, clothing that I thought would make me look older.

I went with my girlfriend who was so excited to go dancing.

We got in, wearing bracelets that told the bartender we were underage.

We initially had a great time. Loved the music, we danced.

I met a guy.

He was genuine. We talked at great length about music, life and what we thought we were.

His name was Chris. I was falling in love with him.

It seemed like he was falling in love with me too.

He asked me if I would go to a diner with him, so we could talk more.

I was so exited that he saw me as someone to even entertain. I of course said yes.

He said “Great! Meet me out front in a few minutes! I’m just gonna get my car!”

Good because I had to find my friend and tell her I met the love of my life and he was going to take me to a diner and the rest of my life.

I couldn’t find her, truth be told, I didn’t look that hard. She’d be fine. She drove her parents car there. She could drive back.

I went outside and waited for Chris. A car pulled up. Chris opened a door. I ran into the car toward my new love. He wrapped me in his arms.

I felt so ecstatic. So safe.

It took a minute to see there were other men in the car or van, I can’t remember. I assumed they were his trusted friends.

Then the car/ van sped up.

Chris pushed me away.

A pair of arms reached me from behind and ripped my top in two.

I heard a voice. “Is she pregnant?” Then laughter. Mocking laughter.

I’ll remember that for the rest of my life.

Chris grabbed a chunk of my hair on the back of my head and held it at his erect penis.

I don’t want to write what happened next. It’s already re traumatized me at the thought.

The last thing I remember is being thrown out of a moving car and up against a dumpster.

I stayed there for a while. I felt like I belonged there. Trash.

My friend, thank God she was so intense, wouldn’t stop until she found me.

She did. I was lifeless against the dumpster,.

She called the police and my parents.

I don’t remember how, but I was in a police station recanting what had happened.

I remember it like a distant memory that belongs to someone else.

The only thing I remember as myself is an officer asking me if I had ripped my own top.

I hadn’t, it was someone else in the car or van. I had already blacked this out.

No one believed this had actually happened.

At the time even I doubted it happened but it did.

A man named Chris, lured a young and naive girl , into a car, forced oral sex, gave her to his friends for ridicule, then pushed her out of a moving car and into a dumpster, laughing.

The police told me he probably wouldn’t be caught, because I hadn’t provided enough information.

He’s out there. His friends too.

And here I am. Coming to terms with it.

I’ve never told anyone except the police, my friend who was horrified and my parents who were called.