My Terrible trip to the OBGYN

A good girl

I went to the gynecologist this morning. I’m uninsured right now so I go to a clinic with a sliding scale which means you pay based on your most recent income earned. As you can imagine, the waiting list is very long. I prefer, no, NEED, a female doctor. I’m not comfortable with a man poking around anywhere especially not my breasts and vagina.

Apparently, I had no choice, there is now only one GYN and it’s a man. Had to get it done. I made the appointment two months ago, today was the earliest I could see him 😕.

A female nurse took my vitals then told me to take my cloths off including my bra & panties. I cringed beneath my mask. You see, I’m a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, from a man, and a survivor of adulthood sexual assault.

I had to disassociate myself from the situation to actually disrobe as asked. The nurse’s words echoing in my head….”He’ll be in in a minute”.

He was nice enough, an older grey haired man, thank God. A young man would’ve sent me reeling.

I answered his questions from far far away, polite and agreeable like a good little girl, I’m 45 BTW.

He did a perfunctory breast exam, then the pelvic. “You might feel a little pressure now.” He said. Yes, I did, but I was disconnected at the time so it was okay.

“Feels normal!” He said. I found myself sickeningly feeling proud of myself. You were a good girl!

I’ve been out of commission, feeling violated, this entire day. The hour train ride home was humiliating, like everyone knew. Been In bed, begging my cats to come to Mommy. Feeling guilty that I knew this would happen and took the day off from everything believing that this would be a “medical procedure”.

Does anyone else feel the same? In any way? Feeling invisible and angry right now.

Published by Cindy

For money, I’m what you call a banquet captain. That means I’m in charge of timing and staff at special events, weddings, benefits, movie premiere parties...ect. I’m also a filmmaker and freelance writer. I’m owned by two cats, Samantha and Harrison Chase who reluctantly allow me to travel, something I’m made to do.

5 thoughts on “My Terrible trip to the OBGYN

  1. I do know the feeling…or should I say “knew”
    I am a man…who was repetitively molested by multiple women. I do still get the “WHOA” moments but I think it is responsible for my overwhelming need for attention (sexually). I really am not affected other than the things I am aware about myself now that make me wonder how different I would be if these things didn’t happen. I am addicted to being worshiped sexually….thanks ladies…i guess… They used to say I was “too pretty to be a boy” and and take my clothes off and touch….it. I would even get aroused by it. That has’t taken from my ability to perform or enjoy. I do understand though…so much.
    ugh…I cannot believe i am about to press send…

    ~FF

    (I saw that tiddy…. :P)

    1. That’s terrible and I totally relate to the long lasting effects of repeated sexual abuse. I think it’s actually harder for men to admit this. I have a male friend who was repeatedly abused by both men and women and is so scared to talk about it because he thinks people will assume that’s why he’s gay! It’s so sad and definitely needs to be normalized, talking about it I mean. Bravo for pressing send!

      Ha ha! I got that dress in Denmark and they apparently don’t know how to make clothing for tits! 😝

      1. Can’t say I’ve never experimented…but I am not gay…that’s why I can personally attest that abuse doesn’t necessarily make a person gay. I have a friend that believes similarly.

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